Relational Illiteracy and a Short Guide to the Characters Who “Ungrammatical” Companies
That is: if there's one thing these people know how to do well, it's to fuel every social dynamic within three open spaces with the same depth with which a TikTok trend tackles the Divine Comedy.
🤖 1. The Professional Monosyllabic
He responds with grunts, groans, and maybe a “meh” if you catch him having a great day. One day someone tried to say “good morning” to him… and he just sighed.
📎 Relational Intelligence: offline since 2004.
💬 Communication: Google Translate level, but set to Klingon.
👑 2. The Queen of “I told you so”
No matter what happens, she knew it before. Even when she doesn't know what she's talking about.
📎 He never gives feedback, only sentences.
💬 And she calls herself a “realist,” while everyone avoids her like the Friday afternoon relaxation area.
🎩 3. The Elegant Manipulator
He seems nice, but only as long as he needs it. Then he runs over you with the business priority cart.
📎 He feigns empathy with phrases like: “I totally get your point… but we’ll do it my way.”
💬 It can smile at you while it takes away your project, your credibility and your will to live.
🕶️ 4. The Mysterious of the Corridors
He appears and disappears without saying goodbye. He never participates in anything. No one knows what he really does.
📎 No significant interactions in three years.
💬 The ultimate in engagement is a nod… maybe at you, maybe at a cactus.
💣 5. The Perpetual Agitated
He enters the office as if it were a war zone. He runs, huffs, shouts into the phone, then complains that the others are “not cooperating.”
📎 It keeps tension high… but productivity low.
💬 Communicate only by shouting. “Did you see the email I sent you 5 minutes ago?” (Spoiler: no, I was working.)
🔥 6. The King of Passive-Aggressive
He writes you emails with “for your convenience I remind you that…” and “I think we already said that…”.
📎 He never confronts you, he torpedoes you via Outlook.
💬 He signs everything with “I remain available”, but in reality he is hating you with cosmic intensity.
🪞 7. The Ego-Sponge
Any conversation ends up becoming an epic tale of his career.
📎 He only listens to have an excuse to talk about himself.
💬 “Oh, you graduated? Interesting. When I was studying at Stanford (it was a three-day internship, ed.)…”
⏰ 8. The Time Control Obsessed
If you arrive at 9:01, you'll be looked at as if you've stepped on the company flag.
📎 Swiss precision, Belarusian humanity.
💬 If he sees you on a coffee break more than twice, call Inhuman Resources directly.
🧠 9. The Misunderstood Genius
“If you listened to me, the company would already be listed on the stock exchange.” Too bad he doesn't listen to anyone, and the only one who thinks he's a genius… is him.
📎 He has a thousand brilliant ideas, zero empathy and the social skills of a broken washing machine.
💬 Every sentence begins with: “Excuse me, but are you all sure you understand the problem?”
🎭 10. The Fake-Coach
It gives you unsolicited feedback, unsolicited coaching, unsolicited advice.
📎 Basically, it's an "I'll explain it to you" machine.
💬 “Have you tried breathing more consciously before sending the email?”
(No, Carlo. I tried not to send you a passive-aggressive one.)
🎯 TEST – Which Relationship Disaster Are You?
(Answer honestly. Even if you think you’re the most empathetic person in the room, your team may not agree.)
- When a colleague has a personal problem:
- A. I ask him if he can still finish the report
- B. I listen to it, but inside I'm thinking about deadlines
- C. I really listen to him and see how I can support him
- In a meeting, if I don't like an idea:
- A. I destroy it with sarcasm (it's formative!)
- B. I pretend nothing happened
- C. I explain my point of view in a respectful way
- You get negative feedback:
- A. Counterattack immediately
- B. I don't know
- C. I listen to it and see if I can improve
- You have a new colleague on the team:
- A. I'll show you who's boss
- B. I ignore it
- C. I introduce myself and support her in the first few days
Majority of A: You’re one step away from being a case study for a TED Talk on “how not to manage human relationships.”
Majority of B: You're invisible. Not a great strength.
Majority of C: Congratulations, you are one of the few who can lead people without making them cry on their lunch break.
👉 Now let's get down to business
Do you really want to understand what it is? relational intelligence and how can you train it in the company?
Read the full (and helpful) article here:
Relational Intelligence: The Key Competency to Lead People and Organizations
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The article describes in an entertaining way the different types of characters that we often find in a work environment. It is interesting to see how each one can influence the dynamics of the team. It certainly offers food for thought on how to improve relational intelligence at work.
Fun and enlightening article! I recognized some colleagues in the characters described. 😂 It made me think about the importance of relational intelligence.