How does “the pack” behave when the “Alpha Male” is a woman? Let’s talk about it!

📌 When the Alpha Male is a Woman: Scenes of Ordinary Female Leadership

There are jobs where women are in charge I am the norm. Open Source Management is one of them. My colleagues and I lead teams, make decisions, and run companies without anyone asking strange questions about “will they be able to do it?”

But we know well that out there things don't always go that smoothly.

We talk about it with other entrepreneurs, managers, professionals who Every day they still have to fight centuries-old stereotypes. And we know that, in many contexts, If the alpha male is a woman, the pack goes haywire.

🛑 First phase: the entrance test (“Will he be up to the task?”)

Put a woman in charge of a team. It doesn’t take long for the (unsolicited) testing to begin.

• 📌 “Let’s see if he can handle the pressure.”
• 📌 “Will it be too hard or too soft?”
• 📌 “Does he really understand business or is he here for gender quotas?”

Funny, because when a man becomes a manager, nobody asks these questions.

And be careful: Whatever choice he makes, it will still be wrong.

• 🔴 If it's direct, it's aggressive.
• 🟢 If she is diplomatic, she is insecure.
• 🔴 If he asks for opinions, he can't decide.
• 🟢 If she decides alone, she is authoritarian.

In practice, before he can even prove himself, he is already under scrutiny.

🤨 Second phase: the concrete wall (“We've always done it this way”)

Once the initial scepticism has been overcome, the passive-aggressive resistance.

• 📌 “I understand your idea, but we’ve always done it this way here.”
• 📌 “Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate your enthusiasm, but this industry is different…”
• 📌 “Are we sure this approach works? I remember that in my time…”

The concrete wall it is different from the more famous one glass ceiling.

• 🔹 The glass ceiling And that invisible barrier that prevents women from reaching the top (spoiler: it still exists).
• 🔹 The concrete wall instead it is that cultural and structural resistance that makes life more difficult for those who have already broken through that ceiling.

And female leadership often clashes with both.

🔥 Third phase: acceptance (with some surprises)

After a while, even the most skeptical they realize that the world has not collapsed. And it often happens that those who were initially more wary become one of the best allies.

• 📌 Those who initially tested every choice, they start to trust.
• 📌 Those who thought it was “too soft” find out that she can be more determined than them.
• 📌 Those who feared disaster, they see the team performing better than before.

In short, business is moving forward. And doing well.

But not everyone makes it.

👋 Fourth phase: the escape of the diehards (“I can't fit in anymore”)

There is always a quota of men who, simply, can't work with a female boss. Some fight to the last. Others pretend nothing is happening and then… disappear.

• 📌 “I found another opportunity that was more in line with my path.”
• 📌 “I need new professional stimuli.”

Translation: “I can’t take orders from a woman without feeling uncomfortable.”

And you know what? That's fine. If to be professional you have to specify the gender of the boss, then the problem is not the boss.

❌ FAQ in reverse: the Alpha male answers!

• 🗣️ “How do I know if my female boss is truly capable?”🚀 Easy: use the same yardstick you would use with a man. Oh no, wait…
• 🗣️ “But can a female leader be authoritative without becoming aggressive?”🚀 Sure! Just as a man can be assertive without becoming a bully. Or maybe we want to say that this also depends on gender?
• 🗣️ “What if I’m not used to taking orders from a woman?”🚀 Maybe it's time to get used to it. Welcome to 2025.
• 🗣️ “Women leaders are more empathetic, right?”🚀 It depends. Some are, some are not. Just like men. Maybe the surprise is this: we are all different and unique. Wow!
• 🗣️ “Okay, but the glass ceiling is broken now, right?”🚀 Yes, and in fact the 71% of leadership positions in Italy is still occupied by men. This “overtaking” is convenient…

📌 Is the problem female leadership, or the prejudice against female leadership?

We all know that leadership it has no gender. Nevertheless, Women leaders still have more to prove than men that they deserve that role.

The problem is not their expertise, their approach or their style. The problem is How much prejudice still weighs on who can (or cannot) lead a company.

📌 And the good news?

• 🎯 The more women rise to the top, the clearer it becomes that You don't need a certain gender to be a leader, you need talent.
• 🎯 The more men are able to work with female bosses without paranoia, the more the problem disappears.
• 🎯 The more companies understand that diversity is a value, the more business grows.

🚀 Because true leadership isn't measured in chromosomes. It's measured in results.

📌 BONUS CONTENT: How a male collaborator can interact effectively with a female “Alpha Male”

Ok, you understand that a female leader is not an anomaly in the system and you want to do your part to contribute to a healthier and more effective work environment. Good! 🎉

Here are some best practices for collaborating with a female manager without falling into old stereotypes and making epic fools of yourself.

✅ 1. Treat her like you would a male leader (i.e. with respect and professionalism)

• 🔹 If you wouldn’t ask a male boss, “Do you feel comfortable handling this problem?”, don’t do it with a woman.
• 🔹 If you wouldn't allow yourself to make jokes like "Are you sure about this choice?" with a fake conspiratorial smile with a male manager, avoid them with a woman too.
• 🔹 If you wouldn’t ask a man questions like “How do you manage work and family?”, don’t do it with a woman.

📌 Leadership has no gender. Neither does respect.

✅ 2. Don't call her “bossy” if she's determined

• 🔹 If a male boss makes a quick and confident decision, he is “authoritative”.
• 🔹 If a woman does the same, she is “bossy”, “too aggressive”, “stressed”.

💡 Don't fall for it. If a manager gives you clear and direct feedback, it's not because she's nervous or touchy. She's just doing her job.

🚀 Pro tip: Avoid phrases like:

• 🔴 “Wow, you’re tough today!”
• 🔴 “Come on, smile a little, you're always serious!”
• 🔴 “But are you this determined at home too?”

✅ 3. If he gives you feedback, listen (and don't get defensive)

💡 When a leader gives you feedback, they do it to improve the work.

If a male manager corrects your mistake, you probably don't feel personally attacked. But if a woman does it, some men react with:

• 📌 “So you don’t trust me?”
• 📌 “Come on, but this way it looks like I don't know how to do anything!”
• 📌 “Now you criticize me…”

🚀 Pro tip: Don't turn feedback into drama. If he has something to say to you about your work, it's because he wants the team to work better, not to make you feel uncomfortable.

✅ 4. Support her in public, not just in private

There are men who privately recognize the value of female leaders, but in public they do not take a stand when a sexist joke or an inappropriate comment is heard.

• 📌 If you believe your female boss is competent, don't be ashamed to admit it openly.
• 📌 If you hear comments like “Well, she made a career because the boss likes her,” take a stand.

💡 Being an ally means not turning a blind eye when you see injustices or stereotypes in action.

✅ 5. Abandon the “mansplaining” instinct

• 🔹 If your female boss knows what she's talking about, she doesn't need to be told something she already knows.
• 🔹 If she is an expert in a subject, don't give her useless lessons.
• 🔹 If she has made a choice, she does not have to justify herself more than a man for the same decision.

📌 “Eh but I just wanted to help!”

💡 Perfect! Then try asking questions and listening, instead of explaining.

🚀 Pro tip: Replace “I’ll explain how it works…” with “How do you see it?” You will see that the dialogue immediately becomes more productive.

✅ 6. Give credit without the “subtext”

• 🔴 “Wow, you are really good for a woman!” → NOPE.
• 🔴 “I didn’t think a woman could handle a crisis so well!” → SERIOUSLY?
• 🔴 “Wow, what a character, you don't mess with me!” → FACEPALM.

💡 If a woman does a good job, just say:

• 🟢 “Excellent management of the situation.”
• 🟢 “That strategy was really effective.”
• 🟢 “Great result, nice work!”

📌 Because recognizing a person's value doesn't need footnotes.

📌 Conclusion: collaborating with a female leader is not difficult, you just need to use common sense. Female leadership is not an exception, it is a reality. And those who know how to adapt, work better and advance faster (because true leadership has no gender).

🚀 Less prejudice, more results.

🔥 What about you? Have you ever seen (or experienced) these dynamics in your company? Tell me in the comments! 👇😊

🔗 Resources to learn more about BIAS related to female leadership